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Wasn't I?

from TESTOSTERONE by The VICE Bots

/

about

To think back,
It's as if I'm remembering a wonderful movie,
About a girl becoming a woman,
And a woman coming into her own.
Then the movie was over,
And I looked at myself in the mirror:
I look at the grey skin clinging to bones.
I see the same eyes as before,
But in a sunken frame,
Purple,
Turned down.
Yes, they are are the same eyes,
But the world around them decays.
Gentle veins of silver and gold deep beneath ran dry,
Iron is everywhere,
Cold rusting iron,
Sharp corners.
Oxidized copper runs over the surface,
Green veins high above the skin,
From the neck to the fingers and toes...
This can't be me...
This can't be my hair in this brush,
These can't be my lips,
My words...
But the reality is it IS me;
This is my skeleton, and I'll show you my ribs,
But I cannot show you my light.

I used to be excited,
Now I anticipate nothing.
I used to be beautiful,
Now my breasts hold no warmth.
I used to be strong in the face of my adversity,
Now I am the enemy.
I used to sleep,
But now there is always noise,
And I think that soon I'll just pass out.



Oh God...

Wasn't I grateful?
Didn't I thank You?
Wasn't I correcting my judgements?
Wasn't I trying?
Wasn't I glad to witness?
Wasn't I warning?

Didn't I cook,
And honor my mother?
Wasn't I steadfast in sobriety?
And, wasn't I creating?
Wasn't I learning,
And wasn't I growing?

Wasn't I smiling?
Didn't I smile?
Wasn't I beautiful,
And didn't I glory You?
Wasn't my hair in its place?
Wasn't it my covering?

Didn't I love myself?
Didn't I love others?
Wasn't I happy...
And didn't I share it...

Wasn't I...
Wasn't i...
Wasnt i...
wasnt i...
...
..
.

*(Try to get some rest. You're not going to want to hear this, but things are going to get much worse before they get better...)*

credits

from TESTOSTERONE, track released December 22, 2020

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The VICE Bots Ohio

My name is Shell, i use a tracker to make chiptune music, If you like my music id love to hear about it!

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